I got this email from Helen. It made me laugh & think of how kids see us and the things that happen around us!!

The Middle Wife (By an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher)

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell.

So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcomed to.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement. "Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, oh, oh, oh!' " Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'" Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning. "My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this."

Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall. "And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!" This kid has her legs spread and with her little hands are miming water flowing away. It was too much! "Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe..' They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff, they all said it was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of stuff inside there."

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along.


"Laughing" It still makes me laugh like crazy!! I hope it does the some to you!!

Caution this word may upset some people!

THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD

Well, it's shit ... that's right, shit! Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language.

Consider:
You can get shit-faced, Be shit-out-of-luck, Or have shit for brains.
With a little effort, you can get your shit together, find a place for your shit, or be asked to shit or get off the pot.
You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat shit.
Some people know their shit, while others can't tell the difference between shit and shineola.
There are lucky shits, dumb shits, and crazy shits.
There is bull shit, horse shit, and chicken shit.
You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the shit, or duck when the shit hits the fan.
You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.
You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.
Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plain shitty.
Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit.
You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.
You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.
Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.


When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language.

Now this was an email that I recieved and it was to make me smile.... What it did was make me laugh like crazy becasue I start to think of "Shit" moments.... and I mean real shit moments...I will try to stop laughing enough that I can share them all with you.

MY SHOES!!!

This is a blog that will be a rant. So a warning to all of you out there that don't want to read it STOP now!!....

At work about 2 weeks after starting I noticed this sign that said take all old shoes home. Well, I had only been here 2 weeks so i figured that did not mean me and so I had left my shoes at work.

Now last week someone had gathered up all the old shoes that were not work ones and put them in a box. Again I assumed that my shoes were safe they were new and work ones. So, on Tuesday night with only 45 mins of sleep i walk in and there is this sign that says " i have until the 22 of October to remove my shoes" So, I figured Wednesday am that I would make a label and tape my shoes together with this label so they don't throw them out.

I get to work this am and NO SHOES!!! someone had scratched out the October part & put September which meant YESTERDAY! So, I go out & one of the nastier LPN's says they are in garbage have fun picking through the box... you were warned!!!! I wanted to hit her I was sooo mad. So, there I am picking through this shoe box at 715 in the am looking for shoes.

I don't think Nursing office would have been impressed if I had to be late because someone had tossed out my shoes and all I had to wear was flip flops at work!! So, tonight before I left I made a sign tha said " Liz's Shoes please keep, thanks liz" So I am hoping that works if not I am really going to blow!!

Thanks for all the Birthday Wishes!!

I just wanted to thank everyone who had sent me emails, cards and or phone calls for my Birthday!!! For those that were askign this is # 27!!I think Old age might start to sink in soon!!

They were all very nice and they made me smile!

Thanks very much!

Road trip from HELL!!!

As I said earlier I was down in Halifax for the day. I had rented a car for the drive and when I was picking it up I said no to the insurance that covers windsheilds adn tires. Now I thought about it as i said it becasue of the speeds that the Rigs would be going and the rocks that might fly up on to the windshield but I chose to say NO!

Well, the trip down went well until the exits into Halifax with what seemed like 8 ramps and construction pilons and COVERED UP!! exit signs!!!!!!! Well, I took one cause I thought it should be the right one. I must say I lucked ot but then more covered signs. Well to make a long story short I was lost once trying to get to the Amgus mac Donald bridge adn then when I came off the bridge I got in teh wrong lane so i missed my ramp so i was once again lost!! but i was able to drive around for 30 mins and teh WOHOO!!! I found a street that was on my tiny little map and I was again on my way.

After the job fair I was able to go for lunch on the warf and a couple of Canadian Military Ships and helicpters flew over head. One of the Helicopters had people that looked like they were going to jump. I am not sure if they were heading out for exercises or not.. But i Imust say it was kinda cool to see. Then the trip back!! I had to make a kinda out of the way stop at Starbucks..... heehee then off toward home.

Things on the way home were looking good until just past Sackville.... my car seemed very bumpy and it wasn't steering well. I pulled over to the side of the highway and got out... I had a flat tire on my back tire!!!!!! If you remember I said NO!!!! to free tires!!!!!!!!! NEVER AGAIN!!! so i turn on the Hazard lights adn pull out the tire adn the jack.

As I am bent over the trunk trying to figure out how to get the handle off the jack this voce says "Hello". Theis older gent had stopped to help me. he pulls out a real jack, what i would call a socket wrench adn pilons to warn people and fixes my tire. He proceeds to tell me that he is heading into Moncton and that I should make it alright but, that my "donut"should not be driven for more then 50 km and at speeds greater then 50km/hr... well I am on the highway with a speed limit of 110/hr. he says he thinks I should make. The gents' parting words to me were "you should be alright if you have a cell phone". Well, I think I am one of the last people on this earth to NOT have a cell phone.

We then part ways ... I to drive between 80-90/hr with Rigs to pass me on hills and little old people to zoom by! The good news is I made it home.

I get home and head off to Walmart where they can squeeze my tire in to be fixed... lucky for me it only cost $23. I am now home scaried to drive until I take it back.

I have learned that I will always take the insurance that covers tires and windshields!!!

Career Fair!

Well, I am back from another wonder Career fair. i must say that I really do enjoy the different hospitals that they have come out for us to see. I really enjoyed the talks by teh Fraser health and Vancouver Island Health Authorities!! The other one that I liked was Eastern Carolina and the Texas medical Branch!

Now I just have to go through all the papers I recieved and start picking everything apart! I am sure I know where some of you would like me to go!

Words said funny!

Last week I was working a couple of nights and on the 2nd night one of the LPN's said how her sister says words funny at times she then began to share experiences of words said wrong that are funny then another LPN joined in by the end Linda the other RN and I where laughing in tears.

Here are a couple of the words adn situations tehy were said:
This couple was moving and a friend was helping to move the couch so the two guys are moving it and get to the door the friend says " i need you to move so i can get better CLEAVAGE on it!" What he meant to say was leverage.

We thought it was pretty good the winner that night was this one.
This LPN wasat a conference and chatting with an RN about CPR and that she said how the HYMN REMOVER works really well. Now the RN got this traified look on her face and the LPN had no idea why so the RN gets up and walks away. It then that the LPN realized what she had said instead.

That made us laugh the whole night!! Then yesterday when I was sharing it with Trish I was laughign again!!

Emails

I don't know if others get these emails. I know that I do send some of them on to others. This one has some of the comments that I have had in others but it is the 1st time that I have seen them all together. This one is about friends and when I read it I think of my different friends and who fits each comment!

The difference between FAKE ASS friends and REAL friends!

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: are the reason you have no food.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Would sit next to you saying "Damn ... we fucked up ... but that shit was fun!"

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: never seen you cry.
REAL FRIENDS: cry with you

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: keep your shit so long they forget its yours.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME!"

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.
REAL FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say "Bitch drink the rest of that you know we don't waste."

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out

It's working!!

Iam glad to write that my cable is hooked up and I have been watching TV!! I had to stay up until 1230 last night!! I was on 3 hours of sleep but I just felt the need to watch....

I must say I am enjoying it.

I have a list of TV shows to check out from one of the girls from work. The only snag I have hit is programming my cable universal remote! My remote doesn't seem to have codes for my TV or DVD player. Which means I have to use ALL 3 remotes at different times!!!

I went from no remotes to 3 in 1 Day!!!

Now here is a list of the recommended TV shows if anyone has more suggestions please let me know!

The OC
Bones
House
Prision Break
without a trace
vanished
gary's anatomy
ghost
whisper
reach for the top

the reality shows that they say I should watch!
the amazing race
survior
American Idol
dancing with the stars

Shows I am looking forward to watching!!

CSI:Las Vegas..... need to see last season first!
Law & Order
most FOOD TV shows!
hmmmmm I think that is it for now... I am sure my list will grow!

In my secret life!!

My friend Amy had this on her Blog so i stole the idea and gave it a try. I must say I look really good in my other personalities!!